The Star

once upon a time ,when i was young,

to these eyes,huge dreams hung,

i wanted to grow up fast,

so that i cud reach that high,

as far as the sky,

there was a star i called mine,

tthe star with the brightest shine,

It spoke to me in a tone unheard,

whispering to me."protect me from world",

each night in the window,I sat,

measuring the distance that was left,

reachng it seemed a matter of time!

days came and days passed by,

hope grew stronger with every inch i grew,

then came the day I had waited for,

no matter if it was far,

i was sure I could reach the star,

i ran to the window,

took my place,

looked out for my favourite sight,

bt it was all dark n there was no light,

there was thunder,there was mist,

and the star lost amidst,

everything hazy and there I sat,

waiting for mist to go back,

and as it left,

the sky cleared,

but the mist had taken the star away..

lying on a couch,
celebrating the loss,

I wondered why do i cry?
it was my choice to live in a lie!!
the lie that was my escape,
living in a world full of taste,
the taste of a sin is always pleasant,
the smell of it feels like a scent;
but it swept me away from where I belonged,
to a world that wasnt Yours!
yet i loved to live in that lie,
knowing it wont last for life!

I was asked: take pearl or fire,
I chose fire,
I was a wrong buyer!
I knew to gold my being would turn,
but....to ashes my soul would burn...
but who cares about soul?
'matter' is all what matters!

I kept moving away from You,
But you never left me alone,
You shone light in my way,
so that I may not fall!
you kept calling me Your way,
hoping i would hear the wake up call..
But i turned deaf and shut my eyes,
felt too proud to follow Your light,
Depended too much on myslef,
'my-self'? which isnt sure of its next breath?!!
I cried to people,to everyone but You!
and all i got was loneliness and gloom!
I stumbled at every step i took,

yet I wouldnt take your outstretched hand......

Tired and wounded as I lay down,

I let the wounds bleed before they dry,

Hoping it would cure my soul,

of the dark spots that seem incurable..

As I kneel on the ground,

And my head touches the soil,

My eyes still dry,

but the heart does cry,

"O Lord! O Lord! Forgive me for once,

Free my soul of all this guilt,

make me pure,

let the wounds cure,

let the hopelessness inside of me die,

for once,bring me back to light"

As I lift my head from the ground,

I see light all around,

And a whisper nearby:

"Welcome back to life".

Flashback

Today as I step out of this gate,

I look back at those good old days,

Seems like we've been living a dream,

But those days remind me of my being ME!

A dream of a life that was carefree,

an hour of studying,then hours of sleep,

Waking up early was a torture,

But evened out when we met at tea!

Hanging out after bunking a class,

And attending all those 'mufta' feasts;

Feeling strange as we entered the class,

Fighting over 'hot seat' in a row that was LAST,

Munching and talking,trying not to yawn,

Sneaking out of classs once proxy was marked;

"No money! No money" was our constant cry,

yet everyone showed up when it was lunch time ;)

Then there were those 'narrow escapes',

we were on the run,princi at chase,

From GCR to BCR to the  parking lot,

he followed us but we won the race ( :P :P )

And then came the exam storm,

cheerful moments torn apart,

texts that once forwarded jokes,

were now full of "kitna parha yar?"

We strongly believed that 'sharing is caring',

shared everything,minus the wallets :P

endless chats full of sarcasm,

ecstasy and glee that shall last forever!

Today as we all take our separate ways,

Life may get tough,tiring days,

But deep inside,like a wine sweet,

a part of me shall dwell in this dream,

Cos its not about all those years,

its just that we've 'grown up together'.

REMNISCENCE

I look at you as we walk,
And secretly,a tear falls,
No! Its not the time to cry,
Its just time to say goodbye.


Moments seem to stop right there,
And everything around me clears,
Reminding me of people so dear,
Moments full of joy and fears.


We talked over past,
We talked about future,
We talked for hours,
And would never tire.

Everything was smooth & fine,
No shadows of sorrows,no sighs,
Years passed by in the blink of an eye,
Everything was same yet something changed.

I tried to find and so did you,
but we struggled to talk and distances grew,
Days came and days went by,
Nothing stops as time flies,

We both knew it had to end,
As the string now had a knot,
I could blame you and so could you,
But we chose silence,thinking it may stop.

Its hard to kill something that was my life,
But choice was between fear and blame,
I could drag on for endless times,
But I chose numbness in place of pain.

When all this has to end one day
lets end it with a smiling face.
So I look at you as we walk,
A smile creeps on my face,
No! Its not the time to cry,
Its just time to say goodbye.

and if only I could turn back the time...

Last night I was going through my cupboard when I came across an my diary which i gave up writing long back.At times its good to find such things which show you much have you transformed during all these years and reading the diary made me wonder how very different was I!

Today,I just wanna make a confession......If only I could turn back the time,there are so many things that I would like to get back,so many things that I wish weren't a part of me or my life.A friend of mine always said,"Circumstances lead us towards a change which can either be good or bad" and I was a fool not to believe it.I always had this notion that we take a path,good or bad, only because we want to and then blame it on circumstances.Looking back at the old times,I realize,I myself have been the victim of circumstances.

A teacher of mine says,"Change is the only permanent phenomenon" and I agree but still.......If only I could turn back the time!!

I never wanted to become what I am today,and now lets not discuss what I am today :P

Just lets wish.......If only I could turn back the time!!

Now you guys tell me.....what would you like to do if you could turn back the time? (at times,it feels good to talk to the walls ;) )

another lame try at poetry......urdu this time

Ye aandhi jo chali abhi,kahaan se uthi?
Jo goonja charon taraf mere,shor kaisa hai?
Ye samjha tha mein ne,ab sukoon se sona hai,
Per ankhon mein jo chubha,ye khwaab kaisa tha?

Ye jo zindagi ke hain rang kayee,
ik jo khila,bujh gaye kayee,
Jo rang sab se munfarid laga,
wohi sari khushian le ura.

Zindagi hai ik kitab khuli,
Us ne mujhse kaha yehi,
Meinsafhey palat-ta reh gaya,
Per kaheen pe kuch likha na tha.

Utopia

He was standing in the midst of utter darkness when suddenly a bright light shone in the distance and, within a fraction of  a second,surrounded him completely.He was blinded by this sudden change and covered his eyes but invain.Bringing his hands back to his side,he narrowed his eyes trying to locate the source and finally he found it......at the far end of the path,a pair of sparkling eyes looking directly at him.Mesmerized,he moved towards them and realized that it wasn't just a pair of eyes but a slender figure covered by a similarly bright cloak which radiated the light that had surrounded him.Overcoming his shock,he moved closer and asked,"Who are you?"
The Charmer replied,"I have come to bring an end to the darkness in your life."

"But I am used to of living in the darkness,this change is bothering me",he replied.

"Its time for the darkness to end and that's the reason I am here.For a moment,it will startle you but then you'll love the light and soon you will feel the same light rising within you."

"And what good will it do to me?"

"What good did the darkness do to you?"

"Atleast it taught me one thing...expect nothing from life,accept anything it gives."

"And now,I'll teach you to expect everything from life and accept only what you like.You don't deserve to be unhappy and this world isn't as cruel as it seems.The best is yet to come."

"So you think I should carry on with life which i abandoned long ago and wait for the best to arrive?"

"No.I tell you the best time is round the corner and will be here any moment."

"Oh! How are you so confident?"

The charmer stepped closer, stared into his eyes and replied,
"This confidence give me the ability to pull people out of darkness and make them believe life is still waiting for them."

With that staring look,the boy felt warmth within him.He said,"Oh!  I can now feel something stirring within me,lighting up my spirits making me realize I was a fool to live in the darkness for so long.I want you to stay here forever."

The charmer held out her hand and said,"Hold onto me and you shall be happy forever"

The boy leaped forward and tried to hold the outstretched hand but the figure stepped back.He moved closer and tried again but suddenly felt the light around him fading and image in front of him blurred.It grew lighter and lighter with every second that passed by and the boy felt miserable because he didn't want to face the agony of staying in the darkness again.

"No No! Please don't go! You were the one to pull me out of darkness,you can't abandon me now.Atleast tell me who you are?",he kept crying.

The light kept vanishing and he saw the charmer's lips moving when he heard a whisper,"I am Hope.I come to light up one's life and go away when they start depending upon me."

With this,the charmer finally disappeared leaving the boy all alone in the same darkness he had lived for a long time but with a brand  new sense of agony....