you think you know me?
You know not
The face you admire,
Is the mask much sought.
Polished everyday to bring to perfection,
Yes, you're right,
even you couldn't make out the distinction

It speaks not of me,
but what you want to hear,
It reflects not what I feel,
but what I want you to see

today,
lets take a walk to reality
and let this bubble burst,
lets take off the mask
And be who we truly are.

As she set her foot upon the ground,
 Something pricked her She held it in her hand, 
They were pieces, very small pieces
 Shiny but sharp,
 In bright light, they sparked
 What are they? She whispered to self 
'Someone's dreams', a voice nearby said 
Dreams? She scorned aloud
 Impossible! Impossible! Was her only shout.
  How can someone trash their own dreams?
 When they are the ones that make us lead
 Poor weak soul, thats all she could say
 And with a pride, she walked away 
Life was fast, faster than she thought 
Perfect so far, with nothing to regret
 She believed in herself, in the goals she had set,
 Thinking, one day, all her dreams will be met,
 She ran and ran, chasing them wild 
But all she got was some more to strive
 It was when she asked herself,'is it really worthwhile?'
 And the same voice echoed,'not in the lesast, you lady naive'
 And then she had to go thtough the hardest part,
 Scratch away the dreams, making it trash
 Someday someone would look at those pieces
 And say ah what a poor wreck she was.

Words can be truly magical. In an instant, they can life you to sky and in the next instant, dump you into the ground. Words they are afterall. At times, they surround you  for days, echoing in your ears even if the whisperer is long gone and we can feel the melody for days. I wonder how can logical and non-sensitive creatures like humans fall a prey to merely a few soothing words? May be because every human has a part within him/her that wants to be heard, loved, nurtured. That makes us weak and break through to seemingly beautiful but meaningless words. At other times, words can haunt you like hell. Socially impair you and even paralyze you at times.....for days. Again, I wonder how, just HOW, we can feel them for weeks?! 

And there I stood,
To the cliff edge hooked,
Not knowing if I should dive,
Or turn back to the old life.

Down the cliff was an ocean wide,
Its depth told by its high tides,
But its surface reflected an image,
Which made diving into it worthwhile,
They were your eyes and into mine they stared,
Calling me towards you with arms outstretched.

At the other end of the cliff, awaited a world,
My old casual life, a life I’d loved!
There were voices, there were faces,
There were memories leaving their traces.

The life tempted me, the ocean scared me,
But as I was gonna turn back, a thought stopped me.
No doubt the world gave me a lot,
But love was something, you only taught.

Hello Ladies and Gentlmen,

  Hope you all are doing pretty fine *echoes*

Oops, I forgot that the only reader of this blog is myself ;)
Nevertheless, I'll write and write till the thunder within me settles. I have so many disorganized thoughts in my mind that i dont even know where to start with. Either to start talking about the life I've always lived..the one with fear, negativity and hopelessness or the one I'm living now...living in the present and not fearing what may come. Life,my friends, is full of surprises. Moments when you're sure you've lost the battle and your enemy suddenly trips over something...whoaa,that feels like heaven! And moments when the destiny seems so close but you're never able to approach it, the distance only keeps increasing. life life life! its a surprise!

Did you ever happen to notice how important some people are in your life yet you take them for granted? I realized that recently. Relations who've always given me unconditionally are the ones I've taken most lightly. They've been there for me whenever I needed them...unnoticed, like an invisible hand who helps you guide through the darkest times.  And now, I'm so much in a habit of taking from them that I dont even know how to return. All you people out there, just one request. Don;t let this happen to you. Dont let the crave in you die to be with those who have always been with you cause you'll only realize how it feels when you stand in their place one day and trust me, it feels horrible!

For now, I dont really know what else to write so lets say a goodbye till we meet next time. take care dearest readers *echoes* (LOL)

A scared heart,
afraid of beating,
Like a glass' broken shards,
afraid of dispersing.

It has its desires,
locked up in its core,
coz the dreams it aspires,
takes it nowhere.

The scared heart,
has no windows,no doors,
been once torn to parts,
no seed of love it bores.

Once, it got so bold,
fell in love losing control,
it flew and flew far away,
but someone clipped its wings and trapped right away.

I wish a day would come,
when it sings of love again,
but till then I keep it locked,
saving  it from undue pain.

Azma Lahji :

You have my heart 

You keep it safe, 

And in your pocket 

It will stay 

I ask, “Protect it?” 

You say, “With my life"

And now I know 

Everything’s alright

But a tear still falls 

To the ground 

And you tilt my chin up 

With a frown...

Arshpreet Sarao:

You hug me close 

I hold on tight 

I’m scared to death 

Of you going to fight. 

You pull away 

And climb up high 

Whispering a very sad 

“I love you, goodbye.” 

I nod and wave 

As the wind plays with my hair 

Feeling inside 

That this isn’t fair. 

You turn and gallop 

Into the Sun 

“I love you!” I scream 

At the top of my lungs. 

Knowing you heard me 

I sit on the ground. 

I stare at the sky 

And cry out loud. 

My knight was gone 

Leaving his princess alone 

Wanting her knight 

To be at home.

FMKH:

The only possession princess had was 'love'

But her prayers refelcted from the sky above;

she waited for years for the knight to return

but it was like expecting ashes to earn.

"time heals" as it is said,

her wounds scarred as time fled

One day,she saw an unbelievable sight,

The knight on a horseback, came to light

Her breath seemed to stop,

And her heart raced

As the knight approached closer,

As the horse paced.

She expected something to ignite within

A sweet pain,a feel of new skin;

She searched her heart to find what went wrong

As she couldn't find any bell that rung.

Surprising and shocking as it came to her,

instead of being happy,all she felt was numb.

He spoke of her love,of his wrongs and its harms,

but nothing helped,neither the warmth of his arms.

And as it was getting dark and difficult to see,

She got up and said with a sigh,

"I thought my love was boundless as sea,

But it died and so.... Goodbye"

Have you?

Have you ever seen a bird fly high?

Tearing winds to reach topmost skies,

So that it can breathe free,

Free of sorrow,full of glee

Have you ever seen a child take his first step?

On the floor his feet are set,

He walks,then falls and walks again to fall,

But nothing can bring him down till he clears the test.

Have you ever been happy for no reason?

It may sound strange but is a treasure for some,

For those Who find it and learn to live

Live the present,not fearing what may come.

Have you ever sat beside an old man?

Talked to him and held his hand

Talked to him about the good old days,

And felt the warmth his cold hand conveys.

Have you ever sat in the garden on a cloudy day?

Looking at the sky when its about to rain,

Feeling the first drop of rain on your face,

And letting it wash your worries away.

iF  you haven’t found time for these little acts,

your life is a waste!! Trust me,mate!

For once,try living the life of an insane,

You wouldn’t wanna come back to the world of sanes!

The Knight returns...

The only possession princess had was 'love'

But her prayers refelcted from the sky above;

she waited for years for the knight to return

but it was like expecting ashes to earn.

"time heals" as it is said,

her wounds scarred as time fled

One day,she saw an unbelievable sight,

The knight on a horseback, came to light

Her breath seemed to stop,

And her heart raced

As the knight approached closer,

As the horse paced.

She expected something to ignite within

A sweet pain,a feel of new skin;

She searched her heart to find what went wrong

As she couldn't find any bell that rung.

Surprising and shocking as it came to her,

instead of being happy,all she felt was numb.

He spoke of her love,of his wrongs and its harms,

but nothing helped,neither the warmth of his arms.

And as it was getting dark and difficult to see,

She got up and said with a sigh,

"I thought my love was boundless as sea,

But it died and so.... Goodbye"

Its funny how you see others around you planning their futures the way they want while you wait for the fate to bring you what it holds for you. 

I had none

We live in a world,
surrounded by lust,
but some lucky ones find love,
But i found none,

I was always distant,
and you always thought
i didnt give you the love you deserved,
Coz i had none.

you had soemone to come to
when you were down
while i had none.

you shouted at me,
told me i was at fault,
you had someone to blame at least,
But I had none.

you tried your best
to make things work
you wanted an explanation
to all i've done
but I had none.

words came to my lips,
but you couldnt hear
coz all you wanted was affection,
and I had none.

and when u were leaving,
you looked back,
looking for a tinge of grief,
in my eyes,
but there was none.

I told you to go away,
And i confess,
I didnt mean it
But you wanted love,
and i had none!

and today
i've got what i longed for,
you gave up
and now you're begone;
I'm suffocating and want someone
and i have none

The Star

once upon a time ,when i was young,

to these eyes,huge dreams hung,

i wanted to grow up fast,

so that i cud reach that high,

as far as the sky,

there was a star i called mine,

tthe star with the brightest shine,

It spoke to me in a tone unheard,

whispering to me."protect me from world",

each night in the window,I sat,

measuring the distance that was left,

reachng it seemed a matter of time!

days came and days passed by,

hope grew stronger with every inch i grew,

then came the day I had waited for,

no matter if it was far,

i was sure I could reach the star,

i ran to the window,

took my place,

looked out for my favourite sight,

bt it was all dark n there was no light,

there was thunder,there was mist,

and the star lost amidst,

everything hazy and there I sat,

waiting for mist to go back,

and as it left,

the sky cleared,

but the mist had taken the star away..

lying on a couch,
celebrating the loss,

I wondered why do i cry?
it was my choice to live in a lie!!
the lie that was my escape,
living in a world full of taste,
the taste of a sin is always pleasant,
the smell of it feels like a scent;
but it swept me away from where I belonged,
to a world that wasnt Yours!
yet i loved to live in that lie,
knowing it wont last for life!

I was asked: take pearl or fire,
I chose fire,
I was a wrong buyer!
I knew to gold my being would turn,
but....to ashes my soul would burn...
but who cares about soul?
'matter' is all what matters!

I kept moving away from You,
But you never left me alone,
You shone light in my way,
so that I may not fall!
you kept calling me Your way,
hoping i would hear the wake up call..
But i turned deaf and shut my eyes,
felt too proud to follow Your light,
Depended too much on myslef,
'my-self'? which isnt sure of its next breath?!!
I cried to people,to everyone but You!
and all i got was loneliness and gloom!
I stumbled at every step i took,

yet I wouldnt take your outstretched hand......

Tired and wounded as I lay down,

I let the wounds bleed before they dry,

Hoping it would cure my soul,

of the dark spots that seem incurable..

As I kneel on the ground,

And my head touches the soil,

My eyes still dry,

but the heart does cry,

"O Lord! O Lord! Forgive me for once,

Free my soul of all this guilt,

make me pure,

let the wounds cure,

let the hopelessness inside of me die,

for once,bring me back to light"

As I lift my head from the ground,

I see light all around,

And a whisper nearby:

"Welcome back to life".

Flashback

Today as I step out of this gate,

I look back at those good old days,

Seems like we've been living a dream,

But those days remind me of my being ME!

A dream of a life that was carefree,

an hour of studying,then hours of sleep,

Waking up early was a torture,

But evened out when we met at tea!

Hanging out after bunking a class,

And attending all those 'mufta' feasts;

Feeling strange as we entered the class,

Fighting over 'hot seat' in a row that was LAST,

Munching and talking,trying not to yawn,

Sneaking out of classs once proxy was marked;

"No money! No money" was our constant cry,

yet everyone showed up when it was lunch time ;)

Then there were those 'narrow escapes',

we were on the run,princi at chase,

From GCR to BCR to the  parking lot,

he followed us but we won the race ( :P :P )

And then came the exam storm,

cheerful moments torn apart,

texts that once forwarded jokes,

were now full of "kitna parha yar?"

We strongly believed that 'sharing is caring',

shared everything,minus the wallets :P

endless chats full of sarcasm,

ecstasy and glee that shall last forever!

Today as we all take our separate ways,

Life may get tough,tiring days,

But deep inside,like a wine sweet,

a part of me shall dwell in this dream,

Cos its not about all those years,

its just that we've 'grown up together'.

REMNISCENCE

I look at you as we walk,
And secretly,a tear falls,
No! Its not the time to cry,
Its just time to say goodbye.


Moments seem to stop right there,
And everything around me clears,
Reminding me of people so dear,
Moments full of joy and fears.


We talked over past,
We talked about future,
We talked for hours,
And would never tire.

Everything was smooth & fine,
No shadows of sorrows,no sighs,
Years passed by in the blink of an eye,
Everything was same yet something changed.

I tried to find and so did you,
but we struggled to talk and distances grew,
Days came and days went by,
Nothing stops as time flies,

We both knew it had to end,
As the string now had a knot,
I could blame you and so could you,
But we chose silence,thinking it may stop.

Its hard to kill something that was my life,
But choice was between fear and blame,
I could drag on for endless times,
But I chose numbness in place of pain.

When all this has to end one day
lets end it with a smiling face.
So I look at you as we walk,
A smile creeps on my face,
No! Its not the time to cry,
Its just time to say goodbye.

and if only I could turn back the time...

Last night I was going through my cupboard when I came across an my diary which i gave up writing long back.At times its good to find such things which show you much have you transformed during all these years and reading the diary made me wonder how very different was I!

Today,I just wanna make a confession......If only I could turn back the time,there are so many things that I would like to get back,so many things that I wish weren't a part of me or my life.A friend of mine always said,"Circumstances lead us towards a change which can either be good or bad" and I was a fool not to believe it.I always had this notion that we take a path,good or bad, only because we want to and then blame it on circumstances.Looking back at the old times,I realize,I myself have been the victim of circumstances.

A teacher of mine says,"Change is the only permanent phenomenon" and I agree but still.......If only I could turn back the time!!

I never wanted to become what I am today,and now lets not discuss what I am today :P

Just lets wish.......If only I could turn back the time!!

Now you guys tell me.....what would you like to do if you could turn back the time? (at times,it feels good to talk to the walls ;) )

another lame try at poetry......urdu this time

Ye aandhi jo chali abhi,kahaan se uthi?
Jo goonja charon taraf mere,shor kaisa hai?
Ye samjha tha mein ne,ab sukoon se sona hai,
Per ankhon mein jo chubha,ye khwaab kaisa tha?

Ye jo zindagi ke hain rang kayee,
ik jo khila,bujh gaye kayee,
Jo rang sab se munfarid laga,
wohi sari khushian le ura.

Zindagi hai ik kitab khuli,
Us ne mujhse kaha yehi,
Meinsafhey palat-ta reh gaya,
Per kaheen pe kuch likha na tha.

Utopia

He was standing in the midst of utter darkness when suddenly a bright light shone in the distance and, within a fraction of  a second,surrounded him completely.He was blinded by this sudden change and covered his eyes but invain.Bringing his hands back to his side,he narrowed his eyes trying to locate the source and finally he found it......at the far end of the path,a pair of sparkling eyes looking directly at him.Mesmerized,he moved towards them and realized that it wasn't just a pair of eyes but a slender figure covered by a similarly bright cloak which radiated the light that had surrounded him.Overcoming his shock,he moved closer and asked,"Who are you?"
The Charmer replied,"I have come to bring an end to the darkness in your life."

"But I am used to of living in the darkness,this change is bothering me",he replied.

"Its time for the darkness to end and that's the reason I am here.For a moment,it will startle you but then you'll love the light and soon you will feel the same light rising within you."

"And what good will it do to me?"

"What good did the darkness do to you?"

"Atleast it taught me one thing...expect nothing from life,accept anything it gives."

"And now,I'll teach you to expect everything from life and accept only what you like.You don't deserve to be unhappy and this world isn't as cruel as it seems.The best is yet to come."

"So you think I should carry on with life which i abandoned long ago and wait for the best to arrive?"

"No.I tell you the best time is round the corner and will be here any moment."

"Oh! How are you so confident?"

The charmer stepped closer, stared into his eyes and replied,
"This confidence give me the ability to pull people out of darkness and make them believe life is still waiting for them."

With that staring look,the boy felt warmth within him.He said,"Oh!  I can now feel something stirring within me,lighting up my spirits making me realize I was a fool to live in the darkness for so long.I want you to stay here forever."

The charmer held out her hand and said,"Hold onto me and you shall be happy forever"

The boy leaped forward and tried to hold the outstretched hand but the figure stepped back.He moved closer and tried again but suddenly felt the light around him fading and image in front of him blurred.It grew lighter and lighter with every second that passed by and the boy felt miserable because he didn't want to face the agony of staying in the darkness again.

"No No! Please don't go! You were the one to pull me out of darkness,you can't abandon me now.Atleast tell me who you are?",he kept crying.

The light kept vanishing and he saw the charmer's lips moving when he heard a whisper,"I am Hope.I come to light up one's life and go away when they start depending upon me."

With this,the charmer finally disappeared leaving the boy all alone in the same darkness he had lived for a long time but with a brand  new sense of agony....

Those who come will leave one day

Those who come will leave one day,
No matter what we do or say,
Or how much we want them to stay!
The eyes do weep,
the pain so deep!
The heart does sigh,
With a sad goodbye
The clock goes on,no turning back,
The colour of night is turning black,
With no mercy,it moves on,
Not caring how we linger on!
We turn our eyes to God and pray,
The only light that guides our way!
Look around us for those in misery,
Help them reach their path to glory,
Make a chain that never breaks,
Make it stronger day by day!
But deep inside,the pain remains,
Cos all good memories never fade,
All those memories that we had,
All the happiness that he's given,
Let this pain guide you to heaven,
Where you sure will meet your dad!

Amen!

I wrote this poem for a cousin who lost his father around 1 month back.May his soul rest in peace.amen.

We're still breathing...

Last week I was really depressed over the incidents taking place in the country and my last blog reflected my feelings very well.I thought I belonged to a nation that is dead and that won't hesitate to drink eachother's blood if circumstances demanded so.But today,when I went out to volunteer in one of the medical camps,I was stunned(yes,literally STUNNED).

The day was a little unfortunate at the beginning for me when I woke up and found out that the car wasn't in a mood to take me to the place I had to reach for volunteering so I had to use public conveyance to reach my destination.At first, I went to my university where I had heard some packaging was being done for the effectees.When I reached there,I couldn't believe my eyes for a moment....the entire university was full of relief goods and students were busy packaging them as if it was no big deal but let me tell you,it was a huge quantity to be taken that easily and all the students were fasting.From parking area to the garden,everyone was busy packing the stuff not caring about the heat and the fact that they were starving.I am one of those thankless people who are not attached to their institutes and always ready to quit it(apologies for that) but today....it was different.For the first time in my life,I loved the scene at my university.It reflected vibrance,life,love,care and above all....humanity.After that,I left for another institute where we were supposed to do the packaging and about 15 students(including me) completed the job of packing 1000 family packages containing items of daily use in just 3 hours.

Yes! My idea that we belong to a nation that is dead was a nightmare.It may not be absolutely wrong but it was far less than I had expected.I know you must be thinking that I form my opinions too quickly but no.....I had been listening from many friends that they are going for volunteering and they shared their experiences after coming back but until you experience something yourself,you never get to know how intense it is!

The best thing about all this is.....despite the fact that we dont have any support from the government or any higher authorities,common people are trying their best to bring the life of the effectees back to normal.May be their efforts are like a drop in the ocean but all these drops will make an ocean one day INSHALLAH!

Today's experience taught me one thing atleast: 'We're not dead,there are still some breaths left in us! Its time we should pure ourselves and unite among ourselves so that we can bring an end to those negative forces that bring disappointment for us and give a negative image of ours to the world".

Love you Pakistan,Love you Pakistanis!

Long Live Pakistan!